There are too many things in life that don’t last and love shouldn’t be one of them.
I’ve already had people coming in and out of my life who were supposed to be my friends, I’ve had men telling me that they loved me in one moment and then turning their backs to me the next, and I had people who promised to be there just to go and disappear when I needed them the most.
This year was full of things that didn’t last. I’ve been put through hell by the people who should’ve cared for me the most. My heart has been broken, my back is full of knives and my eyes have no more tears to cry despite the pain I’m feeling.
But, I’m not giving up. No, not me.
I choose to stay optimistic. I choose to be positive. I choose to wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m putting all my hopes in the year that is yet to come. I’ve had my fair share of hell and now it’s time to finally experience the happiness that stays and a love that doesn’t leave me. That’s me, an eternal optimist.
Out of all the wishes someone could have for the year to come, I only have one—all I want is a love that stays.
I don’t want anything temporary anymore. I want a love that doesn’t leave. I want that forever story.
I want a love that makes me feel like I’m good enough. Like I’m more than my mistakes and like my imperfections are not ever allowed to shadow my good side. I want a love in which I won’t be mistreated for making a mistake, where my efforts will be appreciated and where I’ll feel like I am just fine in my own skin.
I want a love that feels like home, a love that makes me feel safe. I want a love that will be my safe haven, a love for which I’ll thank God each day and night, a love that will make me feel comfortable enough to be who I am, where I won’t need to put on any masks, where I won’t need to pretend to be something I’m not.
I want a love in which I feel like I matter. I just need love in which I’ll feel like my feelings matter, like what I have to say is important, like something would change if I disappeared all of a sudden. I want a love in which I know I’ll be missed if I’m gone.
I want a love that stays, the love I can count on. I want a love that will make me feel high, a love that will take me to the stars and a love that I’ll be selfish about and that will make me not want to share with anyone.
I want a love that cares, a love that’s honest, a love that’s there just because of me, a love that doesn’t treat me like a backup plan.
I want a love that stays forever and not until it finds someone else, someone better.
I want a love that promises to stay. A love that keeps its promises, a love that stays even when times get rough, that holds my hand through all the storms and a love that is my light at the end of the tunnel. A love that helps me when I lose my faith, a love that doesn’t allow me to get tired, a love that makes sense out of everything bad. That’s what kind of love I want in 2020.
I promise to leave all my heartbreaks in 2019. I promise to forget all those who broke me, betrayed me or lied to me and I promise to start from scratch when this new love walks into my life. With this new year, I’m ready for a new beginning, a better beginning.
The year to come is about hope. And even though this year has left me bruised, even though I’ve fallen a hundred times, I managed to stand up and I’m still standing, ready to start from scratch.
I’m full of hope when it comes to 2020 because I know what I’ve been through and I know I get to be rewarded for the hell 2019 has put me through.
I feel like this year will be the year in which things will change for the better.
So, dear 2020, please be good to me.
I’m ready for a new, better chapter of my life.