Are you worried about the health of your relationship? Maybe some things are troubling you, and you’re wondering if you and your partner are destined to be together.
Things can change in relationships over time, and you have to be able to catch negative changes that can completely derail your partnership.
MARRIAGE COUNSELORS EXPLAIN 10 SIGNS THAT REVEAL A RELATIONSHIP WON’T LAST
1. HOLDING GRUDGES AND HARBORING RESENTMENT
If something about your partner is bothering you, you should bring it up kindly with them and talk it over. Then, once the issue resolves and you’ve come to an agreement, you should let it go. You shouldn’t hold onto it and build resentment over it.
It is not okay to hold grudges against your partner. Yes, some acts may take some time for you to heal from. But bringing up something that happened months ago and using it against them in arguments forever is only going to harm your relationship in the long run.
Resentment can often build slowly due to a feeling of underappreciation, invalidation, or dismissal. It’s important that you take note of these feelings building so that you can talk about them with your partner instead of bottling them up until it all comes to blows.
2. YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON
It’s okay to have wildly different interests, but there has to be something you enjoy doing together – even if it’s just lounging on the sofa watching TV, going out for drives, or something else that is small but significant for bonding.
Besides, having little in common on a superficial level is acceptable, but having considerable differences in ideologies is not. If you have conflicting priorities when it comes to each other, or are on opposite sides of the political spectrum, it’s much harder for things to work out. We’re not saying it’s impossible – just nearly impossible.
Jealousy is often not a controllable emotion, and it does not automatically point to the death of a relationship – if it is handled positively. But an improperly handled green-eyed monster can definitely lead to a steady decline due to all the incorrectly managed trust issues that lie beneath. Here are some red flags related to jealousy and trust issues. (1)
· BRINGING ALONG OLD BAGGAGE
Did your previous partner cheat on you? Did they hurt you in some way? It can be a painful and challenging healing process from issues like that. You can continue to heal and work on yourself in new relationships, and everyone has baggage – that’s not the issue.
The problem arises when you start developing unfounded suspicions against your partner based on this old baggage. Suddenly, you’re worried that they’ll betray you, too, and you force them to prove to you that they won’t. Your trust issues are your own to work on. Don’t drag your partner into it.
Someone feeling jealousy may control their partner, restricting their access to their friends, demanding that they only befriend a particular gender, or insisting on spending all their time with them. If you or your partner do this, the relationship is extremely toxic and even abusive.
· LACK OF HONESTY
Honesty is essential as a foundation to trust. If you or your partner regularly tell lies to avoid consequences, no matter how “small” or “harmless” you think those lies are, you will slowly erode your trust in each other. Before long, you may feel like you can’t trust a word they say, and they won’t be able to trust you, either.
4. BAD CONNECTIONS TO OUTSIDE RELATIONSHIPS
Other relationships can dictate the health of your romantic relationship. Many people believe it shouldn’t or wouldn’t matter, but it does. Here’s how:
· DISLIKE OF A PARTNER’S FAMILY AND FRIENDS
It’s okay not to get along with everyone in your partner’s family. But outwardly expressing your dislike, hatred, or lack of fondness for the people your partner cares about is unhealthy and likely to cause problems for you in the long run.
Committed relationships also usually require that you’re on relatively alright terms with the people in your partner’s life. If you can’t stand seeing their family, the relationship outlook is not great.
· REGULAR CONTACT WITH AN EX
A partner may have to keep in touch with an ex because they co-parent a child, or simply because they’re now on good terms and consider each other friends. However, once they begin turning to that ex instead of you for everything, it’s a red flag.
· TOO MUCH INVOLVEMENT FROM FAMILY
Partners who regularly defend their parents or refuse to stand up for their partners over their original family are often not sufficiently committed to their new relationship. This interference is unhealthy and can lead to a lack of connection between partners.
· REMOVAL OF EXTERNAL RELATIONSHIPS
It’s crucial for partners to have friendships outside of their romantic relationship. If you and your partner begin to cut off everyone else or have no interest in maintaining those friendships, you will lose a crucial external support system, and you can both become miserable.
5. BAD FIGHTING HABITS
Fighting can be a positive thing for a couple. But when done the wrong way, it quickly points to disaster. Here’s how:
· YOU NEVER FIGHT
No arguments don’t mean that couples don’t experience challenges. Often, this is a manifestation of conflict avoidance – and, unfortunately, using positive thinking to pretend everything is alright makes it much, much worse. (2)
· YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE SAME FIGHT
You’ve fought about whose turn it is to do laundry more times than you can count. Although it seems like a small issue, the fact that you have never resolved it suggests that either: 1) you are breaking promises and agreements on what to do, or 2) you have never attempted to find a compromise. Neither is a promising idea.
· YOU FIGHT TO WIN
Fighting in a relationship should be done to solve a problem – the couple against the issue. It should not be you versus your partner in an attempt to come out on top.
· YOU FIGHT UNFAIRLY
You hit below the belt and bring up something that happened last year. You guilt-trip, or manipulate, or threaten to hurt yourself. These are all incredibly toxic types of fighting that don’t bode well for you.
6. THERE’S NO MORE RESPECT
If you don’t respect each other, the relationship is as good as dead. You need to care about one another and value the other person to stay together. Insults, put-downs, and rolled eyes all indicate one thing: that your respect for one another is waning.
Once you step out of the territory of constructive criticism and into overly critical bashing, you’ve gone too far. You must work on loving each other for who you are and respecting each other’s wants and needs, or else you’re heading straight to splitsville.
7. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY CRITICIZING EACH OTHER
Speaking of criticism, many couples go too far and begin to find fault in every single little thing that happens. Nothing you do pleases your partner, and you feel like you’re being stretched thin and still failing to live up to expectations.
Worse still, some couples fail to communicate their issues healthily. Instead of gently explaining a complaint that they have, they lash out, expect the other person to read their mind, or put the other person down so much that it shatters their self-esteem.
Partners may start to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around each other to avoid messing up. Once you’re in this stage, chances of the relationship lasting are little to none.
8. THERE ARE NO SIMPLE SIGNS OF AFFECTION
Passion can slowly fizzle out over the years, but once it dies completely, it has to be reignited to save a relationship. Here are some signs that the affection had died out:
· THERE’S NO MORE LAUGHTER
Couples who know how to have fun, enjoy each other’s sense of humor, and feel at ease around each other tend to laugh more often. It’s a good reminder of why you first began dating!
· YOU’VE STOPPED COMPLIMENTING EACH OTHER
Compliments are a great way to brighten someone’s day, and it informs your partner that you still find them desirable. Tell them they look amazing, praise one of their skills or talents, or talk about how you love a trait of theirs.
· YOU RARELY TOUCH EACH OTHER
We’re not just talking about what goes on in the bedroom! Holding hands, lightly touching their arm or leg, or giving them a quick hug or kiss can make all the difference. Touch is a very reassuring and loving act that is intimate and can really strengthen the bond between two people.
9. A LACK OF TAKING RESPONSIBILITY
You will never be always right, and neither will your partner. You will both mess up, make mistakes, and show your worst selves in your time together. It makes sense – you spend lots of time with them, so they’ll see you at your worst, as well as your best.
Both parties need to be capable of taking responsibility when something goes wrong. If you or your partner cannot admit when you are at fault, you’re heading straight for Splitsville. You should not:
- Be overly defensive
- Stonewall a discussion
- Blame the other person for your mistakes
- Refuse to apologize
- Gaslight the other person and insist they’re being too sensitive or need to be calmer or have more positive thinking (3)
- Bring up past issues
10. YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE
You feel different than you did before. Worse yet, you go about your day as a single person would. You rarely think about your significant other or miss them. Your solo plans for the future that don’t involve them.
You feel as though you can no longer turn to your partner for support. Or, rarely do you talk about anything beyond the superficial. You feel worried or anxious about your relationship all the time.
All of these statements can indicate that you’ve fallen out of love, or that you’re ready to move on to the next chapter of your life without your partner. It doesn’t make you a bad person – it makes you human, and it’s okay to want to leave a relationship that is no longer making you happy. Just make sure you end things with compassion.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON SOME SIGNS THAT REVEAL A RELATIONSHIP WON’T LAST
If your relationship experiences any one of these ten signs, does it mean it’s over for good? In most cases, no! What you have to do now is work on these issues together. Communicate with each other, discuss your wants and needs, and work out a solution together.
Don’t be afraid to try going for relationship counseling if necessary! At the end of the day, you and your partner get to decide how your story goes. If you’re willing to do everything you can to stay together, it will help you in the long run.
And if it’s time to end things? That’s okay, too. It will hurt for a while, but you need to make the decision that is best for you. Take the leap of faith – it will all work out in the end.