I heard that you’re missing me like crazy, that you’re trying to get in touch with me. I heard that you’re sorry and want to take it all back. That you can’t find anyone like me, how I was the best thing that happened to you. And yet you pushing me away was the best thing that happened to me.
You will look for my eyes and the way they looked at you. You will look for the oceans of blue you used to lose yourself in, you will look for those oceans to drown you in love. You didn’t know how to take care of them, you caused storms and waves that drowned me in sorrow, but left you dry. You caused tides of pain to kick the air out of my lungs, not caring if I could breathe. Not caring if I could survive. You will search for my look full of love, but you will never find it.
You will look for my arms and the way they touched you. You will look for them to heal your wounds and massage your tired, wrecked body. You will look for them to hold your face, to warm yours on cold winter nights. You will look for them once you’re hurt and there’s no one to help you. You’ll look for them once you’re old and there’s no one to get you back on your feet. You will look for them once you’re bruised, but there’s no one to kiss those bruises away.
You will look for my body and the way it hugged you. You will look for it when the nights get cold and dark. You will look for it once loneliness hits you and your bed looks huge and frightening. You will look for my body and the way it responded to yoy you threw it away the moment you didn’t need it.
You will look for my mind and the way it respected you. Once you get your promotion and there’s no one to celebrate with you. Once you fall back down and there’s no one there to believe in you, there’s no one there to show you support. You’ll look for it once you realize that I was right all along and that you can do it. You will look for it once you see my name in your poems, once you see pieces of me in your words. But that will be all that’s left of me, only my name.
You will look for my heart and the way it loved you. You will look for it in every other woman, but it won’t be there. No woman knows the struggle you had, no woman loved you at your lowest. The only woman who did, you pushed her away. You pushed ME away, said how we had grown apart and you couldn’t see your future with me. How easy you forgot that there wouldn’t have been a future if I hadn’t pulled you out of your pit of despair. You forgot that I was one who pushed you all along, that it was my love that healed your wounds.
You will look for me, but you’ll never find me. You will reach for me, but there will be nothing to grab onto. You will cry my name, but there won’t be anyone to hear it. You will cry your heart out, but there will be no one to see it. You had your chance, you had your shot. You just didn’t know how to appreciate me, you didn’t know how to love me. You didn’t know that you could love me and you at the same time. Instead, you chose yourself, you loved yourself. You will look for me, but you will never find me. I’m done with giving you second chances and I’m done giving myself to people who don’t deserve me. I’m done with receiving nothing but pain and crumbs of love. I’m done with you.