‘Girls compete, women empower’.
As soon as I read this quote, I started asking myself why I was always bringing other women down. Why did I always compete with them, even though everything was in my head?
I knew that the answer was somewhere in my past relationship, where nothing went right. He would always compare me with his ex and he would always tell me that another woman looked better than me, that another woman was smarter than me and that he would like me to be like her.
That’s why I started competing with them, even though those women could have taught me things. They could have become my friends and I wouldn’t feel so miserable right now if I had let myself appreciate them, rather than compete with them.
Even after I had left him it continued. It was like a trauma that left me unsatisfied with myself so I couldn’t stop looking at other women without seeing a competition that I was never going to win, because I was never good enough.
But why wasn’t I able to see that there’s enough space for all of us in this world? We are taught, by men who have issues themselves, that we need to compete because there is a limited amount of space for women in this world ruled by men. What kind of bulls**t is that?
Instead of empowering other women, we gossip behind their backs. Instead of complimenting them, we look at them from the other side of the room, judging every step they take. Of course, it’s not our fault for doing so—we have been taught that it’s the only way to be loved.
But let me tell you this—you, she and every woman in this world are all worthy of love and affection. If a man comes to you telling you that there’s only a certain number of women who can be loved, just walk away to your friends and tell them about how stupid men can be.
We miss out on so many wonderful friendships, we miss out on getting to know inspiring women whom we can learn from, all because of our own insecurities.
The answer to getting over this is to love.
Love. Love yourself. Love others. It’s love that I finally decided to give to myself that made sure I would stop comparing myself to other women. I stopped looking at my flaws as flaws and I changed my mindset to a positive one where I could only see room for improvement.
Also, what I wanted to get across with this letter is that it’s not the fault of other women. If you need to stand up and show your boyfriend/husband how to be loyal then he’s not for you, not if he went out to cheat on you. It’s not the fault of the other woman. He wouldn’t have done it if he wanted to be loyal. That poor other woman probably didn’t know that he had someone waiting for him at home.
I stopped comparing myself to other women the moment I saw that what’s supposed to be mine will come to me. I accepted that I couldn’t change some things that bothered me too much. No one can take my faith away from me. No man, no woman, no one.
That’s why I have turned all that self-doubt into something positive. Every time I see a woman who has something I wish I had, like perfect teeth or the most amazing eyes, I go up to her and compliment her on that. People need more random compliments, especially women who are in relationships with men who don’t deserve them and women who probably have the same problems I do.
We need to stop blaming each other for our own insecurities.
It was a long and painful road to go down, full of ups and downs, but by realizing all these things, I have finally stopped comparing myself to other women. I love myself with all my flaws and all my imperfections. I love myself with my loud laugh, my teary eyes and my broken heart.
I love myself. Therefore I love you.