I’m not going to let you destroy me. No, not this time. I’ve had enough of heartbreak and waking up in the middle of the night sweating because my heart hurts.
I’m really done depending on someone else. I’m done defining my self-worth by whether I’m in a relationship or not. I see now that it’s so much better to be alone than with you.
All the pain was worth it. I really mean it and I’m not sorry for what happened. I was hurting, I was devastated and sad but it opened my eyes. It showed me that I really don’t need you and I never needed you.
I refuse to bring myself down to the level where you are. I refuse to be that small a person, that much of a coward. I’m not going to repeat all the mistakes you’ve made. I’m not going to yell at anybody, because no one is responsible for my rage except myself. I’m not going to go out and devastate myself with alcohol just because I want to be numb and not to feel my pain. I really don’t want to act like you. It’s humiliating.
I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of becoming like you. I’m not going to throw away my life because I’m unhappy with you. I won’t let the bad energy consume me and I’m not going to spread it to other people. I’m better than that. I’m better than you.
I’m going to love myself. I’m going to stay proud of myself even now that you you’ve left me and insulted me. Your screaming doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Your f**king ugly words don’t touch me anymore. You’re one big nothing and it’s going to stay that way.
I’m not going to change my mind all of a sudden, miss you and want you back. Even if I miss you, I will never let you know that. You don’t deserve me, not for me to be near you and not even for me to think about you.
I’m so good on my own. I don’t have issues which I have to solve. I don’t feel a void which I need to fulfill. I have so many things in life to be grateful for. I have my friends, I have my family, I’m healthy… You were just one tiny part of it all and sadly I thought you were everything. But now I know you are so unimportant, a nobody.
I’m going to erase every memory I have of you. I’m going to kick you out of my life like you kicked me out of yours. You will probably just be a visitor in my mind who pops in every now and then but you know what? You’re not welcome and you won’t stay there long either.
I know that you’re never going to change. I tried and I failed. I’m angry at myself that I believed I could turn you into a good man but we all make mistakes, so… I forgave myself. I pity you because you’re going to continue living your lame life the way you’ve been living it so far. You’re going to find another poor girl with a soft heart to exploit. You’re going to manipulate her and pretend to be something you’re not. You’re nothing but a big bully and I hate bullies.
I hate insecure men who need to be in control and abuse to be able to feel good about themselves.
She will leave you one day, or her pain and misery will make you leave her. You know, she won’t be that miserable when you meet her and neither was I. You will do that to her, like you did to me.
But you don’t get it. You have no idea what you’re doing. You have no idea how toxic you are and you regret nothing. That is really sad. I can’t even be angry and furious with you because I know that you are completely clueless about what you’re doing to people and what you turn them into.
You are happy just the way you are because you live in denial. You have no idea that you are the bad guy and you’re going to end up alone. You refuse to see the truth because that would mean you have to face it and you are too much of a coward to do that.
Now that you are gone, that you have left, I have a new opportunity to bring my old self back. I can change again into the smiling and happy person I was. I have so much time in front of me to find peace and love.
Sometimes I want to get you back for everything you’ve done. I want to slap you for every curse word you yelled at me. I want to give you pain for every intimidating moment you put me in. I want you to cry and suffer like I did. I want your heart to split and bleed like mine did but then I stop and I realize. I don’t have to do anything. You’re going to be punished with or without me, one day, or maybe in another life or in another world.
But you’re going to get yours and then, you’ll remember me and all the other girls you’ve hurt and you’re going to cry and beg for forgiveness. I’ll give you mine because I pity you, I think you’re a weak, little person who even maybe cries for help inside and I’m not a bully. I don’t mess with the ones who are weaker than me. I’m not like you.