The hardest thing about every break-up is moving on with your life. You shared everything with this one person for a certain amount of time and he wasn’t just your romantic partner—in time, he had become your friend and family. And now, all of a sudden, this man is out of the picture. And while he continues to live his life, you are left all alone, trying to pick up the broken pieces of yourself. Of course you miss him but what is even harder is to try to continue living your life as if nothing had happened. You don’t know where or how to begin because this man was everything to you. You see yourself standing in one spot and you feel lost because you simply don’t know what to do without him in your life. You try very hard to let go of him and all the memories you shared but usually that is anything but easy. You simply can’t believe the person you planned your future with has left you hanging like this and you can’t imagine yourself ever being with another man.
But moving on is especially hard when you have no closure. Every story has its beginning and its course and it is natural for you to crave for it to have an ending as well. While you were with this guy, you hoped to have a happy ending with him but now you realize that will never happen. Even realizing that everything is over between the two of you is challenging and hard enough. It is a process which requires a lot of effort, time and energy. But somehow, with a lot of pain, you grew to accept this. You kept telling yourself that this man is a part of your past and that he isn’t coming back and with time, you got used to this idea.
But what you can’t seem to accept is that he never gave you closure. He left you without saying a word or he never gave you an explanation for his departure. Either way, you feel like he has been ripped away from you, like he has been stolen from you and as if he slipped right out of your hands.
And now you are left alone thinking about all the things that happened and all the things that could have happened if he’d stayed. And those ‘what ifs’ are killing you the most. You simply don’t know what happened and you are trying to put your relationship puzzle together. But you are missing some crucial pieces—you are missing his side of the story. You don’t know why he left you and what went wrong all of a sudden and you can’t accept the fact that these are the things you’ll never find out about. You keep wondering if there was something you could’ve done to make him stay or at least to give you an explanation. You keep questioning everything that went on between the two of you. You rewind every little situation from your relationship in your head, trying to find an explanation for him leaving you. You keep asking yourself if you did something that chased him away and sometimes you even blame yourself for everything wrong that happened in your relationship.
But the answers you are so passionately looking for are nowhere to be found. You feel trapped in the past and trapped in your own head, thinking about different case scenarios of what happened and how things could have turned out differently.
The worst part is that you never got the chance to tell him how you felt. There are so many things you would like to say to this man and even more questions you’d like to ask him. But you know he deserves nothing from you. You keep asking yourself how he could have left you like this.
And naturally, you feel resentment. You are left with tons of grudges. You question your entire relationship and ask yourself if this guy ever loved you if he could leave you like this. Gradually, you feel like you are going crazy, looking for answers you’ll never get. You feel you could move on with your life the moment you hear his side of the story, the moment you put all the pieces together.
I am not here to give you false hope. The harsh truth is that it is unlikely that you will get any answers. You will probably never get the closure you want so badly. But that is something you have to accept and something you have to live with, the same way you’ve accepted the fact that this man is not in your life. And that is something you should never blame yourself for. He was the one who left and he was the one whose duty it was to give you the closure you needed. But he didn’t do that and he will probably never do it.
So if you want to find your inner peace, you have to try very hard to forgive this guy for everything he did and especially for everything he didn’t do. You have to accept the apologies you never got and you have to try and leave him in the past, where he belongs. And most of all, you have to stop questioning yourself about your relationship and about its end. Things went the way they did and that is the only thing you need to know.