Is he attracted to me or just being nice? I bet this is a question that popped into your mind at least once when you liked a guy but you hit a dead-end street because you didn’t know how to react or what to do.
Sometimes it’s just hard to decide whether a guy likes you or if he is just being nice to you. The signals he is sending are so confusing because they are easy to interpret wrongly. You just can’t seem to decide what he’s actually thinking.
To set you free of that eternal struggle of whether he likes you or not, I’m going to try to solve this once and for all. First of all, stop asking the question of whether he is attracted to you or just being nice and read the actual signs without being biased or wishing for the signs to work in your favor.
But before we start with actual signs that he’s interested and not only being nice, read the heartbreaking signs that he really doesn’t want to have anything to do with you and he is just being polite, trying to let you know in a nice way that he’s not interested.
Signs he is not attracted to you
1. He doesn’t want to hang out with you
You see that he is avoiding spending time with you. He probably doesn’t want to blow you off so obviously, so he is trying to let you know that he is not interested in a more subtle way. Even when you are alone together, it doesn’t feel comfortable, as his body language is telling you that he doesn’t look at you in that way.
2. He is not so interested in what you’ve got to say
A guy who likes you won’t allow himself not to notice anything that you say. He will listen to you and pay attention because if he likes you, he would do anything to remember your interests and the stories you tell. If he likes you, he will genuinely be interested in what you’ve got to say because you are the one who is interesting.
3. He mentions other women in front of you
A guy who likes you wouldn’t talk about other women or comment on them in your presence. He is probably just trying to let you know that he is not attracted to you but is actually just being nice because he maybe likes you but only as a friend, or he is just an a** and doesn’t care about your feelings or isn’t even aware of the fact that you like him.
4. He hides his friends from you
This is the number one sign that he doesn’t care for you in that way. You’re just a casual, random person to him and since he doesn’t see you in his life for the long haul, he won’t go to the trouble of letting you meet his friends. This should be a red flag sign that he is not attracted to you in the way you want him to be.
5. His body language speaks volumes
When a guy likes you, he doesn’t have to say it—his body speaks for him. Body language can give away every secret a person holds, so if he really likes you his body will show it. When you’re hanging out he’ll constantly seek an opportunity to get close to you or ‘accidentally’ touch you. He’ll try to keep eye contact with you for as long as possible. But if you don’t see any of these things, and if you see that he is pulling away from you instead of getting closer to you or avoiding eye contact, then you can be sure that nothing is going to happen between the two of you.
6. He treats you the same as others
You’re not on a special pedestal because, sadly, you’re not special to him. He is not in love with you and he is acting around you like he acts around everyone else. If he actually liked you, he would treat you differently, he would try to get your attention by any means possible.
So, there you are, the sure-fire signs that he has no interest in you other than just a friendly one, which is not so bad I guess, but if you want something more and he is in it only for the friendship, you should either break contact with him if it’s too painful, or try to deal with the situation that there is not going to be any kind of romantic relationship between the two of you.
Now that we’re clear on how guys act when they are not attracted to anyone, let’s solve the often-asked question…
Is he attracted to me or just being nice?
Be aware that not many guys will get up the courage to come to you and tell you straightforward that they like you and want to be with you. Not all of them are that brave. But what they are most likely going to do is give you hints, with the way they behave around you.
Why do guys do that?
Well, first of all, we all suffer from the fear of rejection. Is there anything worse than getting rejected, or hearing or realizing that someone doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to be with you? That hurts and we all want to avoid it, yet it happens to all of us. So, it’s no wonder that it’s so easy to mix up when he’s really attracted to you or is just being nice.
You have to keep track of all the subtle signs because as I’ve already said, they’re not going to say it right to your face. So, here we go…
Signs he is attracted to you and not just being nice
1. He wants to know all about you
He is a guy who dreams of you at night, he is a guy who worships the ground you walk on. He wants to know every detail of your life and every interest you have.
Okay, this may sound a bit creepy and stalkerish but I mean this in a cute and head over heels kind of way. He’ll ask all kinds of questions, from those random ones to personal ones, not just to keep the conversation alive but because he genuinely wants to know all those things.
Believe me, if he was just being nice, he would never show such interest in your life. He would spend time with you in conversation just to be polite and not because he wants you and the difference between the two is huge.
2. His pupils dilate
You can’t beat science. It is proven that our brain works in a way that our pupils dilate when we see something we like. So, the next time you catch a guy you like looking at you, pay attention to his pupils. If they are bigger than what they normally would be, then he definitely has the hots for you and is being nice because he likes you.
3. He pays attention to his looks
He will do anything it takes to make you notice him. Don’t be surprised if he develops a sense of fashion all of a sudden, or gets a new haircut or does something with his facial hair. If he likes you he will do everything possible to make himself attractive to you.
On the other hand, if a guy doesn’t have any romantic interest in you, he would never go to that kind of trouble to impress you. He will hang out with you in his old t-shirt or the clothes he wears around the house. If he does this, you can be sure that he is probably only being nice to you because he likes you just as a friend.
4. He stares at you
Maybe even longer than he should but look at it this way—he is in love, he can’t help it. There is an interesting fact considering eye contact; they say when a guy is into a girl, he will glance at her every chance he gets, and if she catches him staring, he will keep his eyes locked on hers to let her know he is interested in her. A smile or two is not excluded either.
But there is another side to the coin and it’s an ugly one. If he is not attracted to you, you’ll probably see it right away. It can happen that he looks at you by accident, but if he does, his eye contact won’t last and he will look away almost immediately. So, don’t confuse the two and you’ll know whether he is attracted to you or is just being nice.
5. He will pay attention to every word you say
He’ll listen and not just to be polite but because he really wants to. He is really interested in the things you’re saying and he can’t get enough. That’s why you can talk for hours without getting sick of each other. He will listen to even the most boring stories with the smallest details. And the thing is, he’ll let you know he’s listening and he’ll ask you questions. You’ll see that he’s enjoying it.
Guys who are only being nice and polite will also listen to you, because they don’t want to be rude, but they won’t remember a thing you’ve said, simply because they don’t care enough about you to remember anything.
6. He will stand up for you
If he sees or hears that someone is bad-mouthing you, he will raise his voice and defend you. He will stand up for you whether you are there or not. A man who is attracted to you will never let anyone hurt you in any way. Even if it’s someone who is dear to him, he will take your side.
But when a man is only being nice to you without any attraction, he won’t meddle that much in things that don’t concern him. Either he will keep quiet and walk away, or he’ll just say a word or two in your defense out of politeness, but without any real effect.
7. He will get a bit jealous
It’s not that sick, possessive kind of jealousy, it’s that sweet ‘I like you’ kind of jealousy. He is attracted to you and he doesn’t want to lose you to another man. Especially if he hasn’t let you know he likes you and is waiting for the perfect moment to do something about it. You can be one hundred percent positive that he is attracted to you if he is jealous.
On the other hand, a man who sees you only as a friend will not get jealous because he has no reason to. He won’t care if you’re talking to another man or even flirting because he is not interested in you in that way. He is only being nice to you and nothing more.
8. He wants you to be a part of his life
You will know a lot about him. He’ll tell you his secrets and he’ll confide in you because he trusts you completely. You’ll be a part of his life and you’ll get to know his family and he’ll introduce you to his friends because his intention is to keep you in his life for a bit longer.
His whole life will be about you and not even a day will pass when you don’t talk or text each other. He wants to keep you and communicate with you for as long as he can.
Someone who is just being nice will have his own life aside from you. He won’t introduce you to his family or call you to hang out with his friends. Even when you talk or text, it won’t be personal and you won’t know that much about him and his life, except for the ordinary things that everyone knows.
9. He will imagine his future with you
He will do anything in his power to ensure that you’re going to be together and hang out in the future. In the beginning, those will be short-term plans such as dinners and going to the movies but later on, those will be trips, concerts, etc. This is him giving you subtle signs that he’s attracted to you and wants to have a future with you.
If he’s not attracted to you, he won’t make any plans with you. He can call you to go to the movies or elsewhere, but usually he calls an hour or two earlier. Maybe his plans fell through and he hasn’t got anyone to go with where he wanted to go, so he called you. But long-term plans are out of the question because he is not attracted to you in that way.
10. He will act differently around you
Maybe he’ll even be nervous because it’s a lot of pressure. He likes you and he will really try hard to impress you. The best way to test this is to see how he acts around the people he loves. If you see he’s acting differently around you, a bit nervous or clumsy or trying too hard, then you can be positive that he has feelings for you.
A guy who is just being nice will treat you like he treats everyone else around him. He won’t be clumsy or nervous, he’ll just be himself, as he always is.
11. He will do anything just to see you happy
Your happiness means the world to him. That’s why men who are in love do things they wouldn’t normally do, just to see the person next to them smile. Nothing will be hard for him to do. He will even be ready to change his habits to make you happy. He will go against his will if it will make you smile. Of course, he won’t be a complete sucker and let you manipulate him but as long as it’s reasonable, he will do it.
A guy who is not interested in you won’t give you such pleasure. He won’t care about your wishes and the things that make you happy because for him your smile is no different from anybody else’s.
12. He will support you
Literally in everything that you do. He will be the guy who will tell you that you can do anything that you wish. He will be the voice that will keep you from giving up on your dreams. He will be the one who will be your support when you doubt yourself.
Even if you fall apart, he will be there for you to help you pick up the broken pieces of your heart and spirit. He will put them back together and make you stronger than ever. He will do all these things because he cares about you and he likes you more than anything.
Someone who is not attracted to you wouldn’t go to all that trouble. He likes you but not enough and not in that way. He will be there for you as a friend but when you come home at night you’re going to be alone. A man who is attracted to you and not just being nice is a man who will be there by your side and will never let you leave his sight.