From the moment I met you, I knew that there was something wrong with you. This is a term I hate to use but I knew that you were an emotionally damaged man.
In the early stages of our relationship, I immediately saw that you didn’t know how to love. I saw that you were not capable of love and for a long time, I wondered why that was so. I thought that you just couldn’t love me, that it was all my fault and that I was the problem. This ruined my self-confidence and fed my insecurities. I kept wondering what was wrong with me and why you couldn’t love me.
And then I saw your relationships with other people as well. And I am not talking only about your past romantic relationships, which were all failures. I am talking about your relationships with your friends and even with your family members. And mostly, I started observing your relationship with yourself. All of these relationships are destructive and none of them are healthy. You had a lot of friends and you were constantly in someone’s company but if someone looked closer at you, they’d see that you didn’t have a close friend, someone who knew your secrets and someone you could trust your life with. It was so easy for you to cut people out of your life, even when they didn’t deserve it. It was so easy for you to forget everything good someone had been doing for you for ages and you only remembered the mistakes they made. And it was the same with your relationship with me. You never appreciated any of my efforts and sacrifices and you acted as if that was the way things should naturally be. But on the other hand, you were always putting your entire focus on some little things I was doing that you didn’t like. Then it hit me—none of this was my fault. You were the only problem and I was just one of the victims of your destructive behavior.
And for a long time, I felt sorry for myself. I was devastated that you couldn’t open up to me and that you couldn’t love me the way I loved you. You were always so distant and I never felt I had you completely. I never felt like I was your girlfriend for real and I never felt or saw your love.
For all this time, I wondered why that was so. I have to admit that I lied to myself because I wouldn’t face the harsh truth. I wanted to believe you loved me so I kept imagining this love and I kept looking for it in all the wrong places. It took me a long time before I realized I never felt or saw your love because it never existed. At least, not in the form I wanted for it to exist.
And then I realized that I was not the one I should feel sorry for. You were the one I should feel sorry for.
Because you are the one who will never know how real love feels. Yes, I loved you and you were loved by many other people in your life. But you never knew how to appreciate that love. And you never knew how to take it and how to accept it. So you never knew how to enjoy and cherish that love that was given to you.
And most of all, I feel sorry for you because you never experienced love in its purest form. You never felt it and you will never know the power and the strength of it. And that is something I tried really hard to show you. I wanted to show you the beauty of being loved and loving someone and I wanted to teach you how to love. But that was something nobody could teach you, unless you wanted to be taught. You simply decided to shut your heart off and to keep it closed to love and nothing and nobody could ever affect your decision. Or at least, I couldn’t do it.
Either way, the point is that I feel sorry for you because you are missing out on a lot. And you are not even aware of it. You are not just missing out on love—you are missing out on life.