You know very well that I’ve always been someone who took care of others and who put herself last. You know I always wanted to make sure everyone around me felt good and that their needs were met before I even considered taking care of myself. I was always a girl who gave herself completely to people and someone who thought she could save the world.
And this was especially the case with you. When I first met you, I saw that you were emotionally damaged and wounded. I saw that your heart and soul were scarred. I saw that you were dealing with some deeper issues and problems.
But instead of walking away from you and instead of understanding that you needed professional help, I took it as a challenge. I thought I could be the one to help you and I was certain that I could save you. I thought you just needed someone to heal your wounds and who better for the job than me?
At first, everything was going great. You acted like you loved me and I still think that this was true, despite all the things that happened between us later on. You were a loving and caring guy who would do anything for the sake of our relationship. And silly me thought that I showed you what real love was and thought I’d awakened the good man in you.
But after a while, you changed. I don’t know whether you just showed your true colors and if you grew tired of pretending you were someone you weren’t or you just got tired of me. Either way, after some months, you started treating me like s**t. Nothing I did was ever good enough. You were constantly looking for my imperfections and flaws and you were blaming me for everything bad between us and for everything wrong in your life. All of a sudden, you weren’t putting any effort into our relationship and you started taking me for granted. You were always so negative and pessimistic and you weren’t ready to do anything to change that.
So consequently, I became just like you but I didn’t want to accept it. Instead of me saving you, you changed me. You turned me into this bitter and negative woman without me even realizing it. You dragged me into your world and instead of me helping you fight with your demons, they conquered both of us.
It took me so long to realize this but somehow I did. And that is why I need to stay away from you, before I also become completely damaged.
You probably think I am selfish for doing this but I really need to walk away from you. You obviously don’t want to be saved but I need to at least try and save myself. I can’t stay around someone who makes me insecure and who always makes me question my worth. I can’t stay with someone who doesn’t think I’m good enough and who doesn’t value all the sacrifices I made for him. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t appreciate me and never will. I can’t stay with someone who doesn’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated. You know I never asked for much, I just wanted your love and respect. But you couldn’t even give me that.
You know I accepted you for who you were, I just wanted for you to become the best possible version of yourself for your own good. And you know that whatever I did, I did it for your own good.
But this is me finally doing something for my own good. This is me choosing myself over you for the first time and this is me loving myself more than I love you. This is me saving myself and healing myself. This is me appreciating and loving myself, the way you never did.
It breaks my heart to cut you off but it is something that has to be done. And I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me for doing this but I hope there will come a day when you’ll understand. And to be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for leaving you.