While you and I were together, you kept convincing me that I would never find someone if you left me. You did everything in your power to destroy my confidence and partly, you’ve succeeded in doing so. You were always trying to convince me that I had no value and that I was good for nothing. At first, I didn’t believe you and I knew that you were only telling me all this to play with my head and to insult me. But, with time I have to admit I started believing you. I started thinking that you really were the best thing that could happen to me, despite all the abuse you were putting me through.
When you were leaving me, you told me I should be happy that I even had you in my life and that you were positive I would never get over you. And I was also certain of that. I was sure that I’d love you for the rest of my life, even if you didn’t love me. I simply couldn’t see the reason of my existence without you by my side. When you first walked away from me, I couldn’t remember the person I was before you came into my life. I felt like I never existed without you and that was the worst part.
You know, I was always afraid that you’d leave me and that fear came true. And when you did, you broke my heart. But that was something I could handle and something I hoped I would eventually recover from. But what I thought I would never recover from is the way your love broke me completely.
And that is something I am still learning to overcome.
But it doesn’t mean I still think I will never get over you. Because I know I will, even if it’s the last thing I ever do.
And it certainly doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you. Because sadly, I still love you and that is the only truth. I still think of you every day and there are still moments when I wish for you to come back. Sometimes, I still wake up in the morning without realizing that you are gone. I still look for you and I still hope to hear your voice. There are still nights when I cry myself to sleep and moments when I look at the phone, hoping to see a text or a missed call from you.
I know that I shouldn’t feel like this and that you don’t deserve for me to ever think of you, but I guess we can’t control our emotions. I guess my love for you is stronger than my reason for now.
I know that this is temporary and I know time does heal all wounds when you let it run its course. I have faith in myself and in the strength of my mind, and I know I will move on with my life. I know that with time, you will just become a distant memory. I know that one day, you will be just a part of the past for me.
I know that there will come a day when I won’t wait for you and a day when I’ll move on from this blind spot you’ve left me on. I know there will come a day when I’ll stop holding on to our failed relationship and on to your almost love. There will come a day when I won’t look at every man who looks remotely like you and when I won’t hear the sound of your voice wherever I go. I know that there will come a day when I’ll stop hoping you will come back into my life.
I know that I will eventually continue living my life as if you were never a part of it. I know I will find someone better than you, someone who will always think I’m worthy and someone who will love me in all the ways you didn’t.
And most of all, I know that there will come a day when I’ll stop loving you. And that there will come a day when I’ll love myself more than I love you.