Acknowledging that you are in a toxic relationship is hard. Trust me, I would know. You live in denial for so long, refusing to see the truth, just because you can’t believe that person you fell in love with can do such things. That person who means the world to you wants to destroy that same world.
But when suspicions arrive, don’t ignore them. When it seems like something is off, trust your gut.
I know it’s hard, but look for signs and clues. Are you feeling drained and tired all the time? Are you on edge every time he is around or are you calm and happy? Are you more worried about making him angry or disappointed than you are worried about yourself?
Can you remember the last time you two did something together or it’s just you making excuses to your friends about his behavior? Making excuses to yourself even?
If you answered ‘YES’ to any of these questions, that’s no longer a healthy relationship. If you need any more reasons to leave, just see the list of all the ways toxic love breaks you.
1. It increases your anxiety
You are constantly under pressure, constantly over-analyzing your own behavior and that of your partner. When you are worried all the time about consequences of every single thing you do, your anxiety kicks in. And not just occasionally, when there is more pressure than usual.
It becomes the only constant in your life. You are a bundle of nerves with no time to enjoy your life because along the way, you actually forgot how to do it. And with time, anxiety will take a toll on your overall health, which is something you do not deserve.
2. Your health deteriorates
Anxiety is being followed with stress. Stress is being followed with sleepless nights, loss of appetite and many other things. In the worst-case scenario, depression will knock you down and that’s something you’ll carry for the rest of your life. That’s like a hell of your own and you are the only one who can pull yourself out of it.
When you start losing weight rapidly, when you start feeling like you are not okay, please don’t brush it off. It’s your body telling you that there is something wrong, that you are not in a safe place. Don’t ever sacrifice your health for anyone, especially not someone who only wants to get the best of you.
3. You start doubting yourself
When you are constantly bombed with criticism, with toxic words and manipulations, you no longer believe that you are good. You start doubting your own skills, your strength and your worth. You start doubting if you are even worthy of love, because you can’t even make one man happy.
But honey, let me tell you something. No one can make him happy. He is the type of man who needs to make others miserable to be happy about himself. He needs to break you, so he can feel like he accomplished something. Don’t let him make you question yourself and your worth. Don’t let him get the best of you! The only person you should be worried about making happy is yourself.
4. Your personal and business life starts suffering
When you are overstressed about one thing, you have no time for other things. And even when you’re thinking that you are doing your best, that you are focused on your work, you are still thinking about your relationship in the back of your mind. You are still stuck in the limbo of your own love.
When you lose focus, your work starts suffering. You start failing and tasks you did with ease before are now so hard to achieve. You are doubting yourself and you are no longer fierce like before.
And because you are constantly thinking about him and you are trying to spend every single second of your free time with him, just so you don’t have to explain yourself and so you don’t make him angry, your relationships with your friends and family start drifting away as well. When you are making excuses for his behavior all the time, it’s hard for them to understand.
They love you and they only wish you the best, so it’s too hard for them to see you unhappy. To see that you are in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you. And it’s completely natural that you get angry with them because they can’t understand you, simply because he is too good at manipulations and distorting your vision of reality.
5. Trust issues appear
You no longer know which is the truth and which is the manipulation. You can no longer tell the difference between someone being genuinely worried about you and someone pretending to be, just so they get what they want. You develop trust issues and you find it hard to trust your friends and family and new people. You start building walls, thinking that they will keep you safe.
But even if it seems hard, the best way to deal with this is to open up to your family and friends. Not everyone is as toxic as him, not everyone wants to hurt you. Start with your family first. Then you will let someone new in when you are ready. It’s okay to take time to heal, the only thing that’s important is that you do it your way.
6. You lose faith in love
When someone breaks you like this, it’s hard to believe in love again. When someone uses the love you have for them against you, when someone plays your trust, it’s hard to give it to anyone else. When you know that the perfect way to stay safe is to never give in to love, it’s no wonder you lost faith in it. But love is worth the risk. Love is worth it all and maybe your happily ever after is just around the heartbreak.
7. You are feeling unlovable
It’s hard to love yourself when you are made to believe that it’s all your fault. When you are made to believe that you are not good enough, that your looks are not good enough. It’s hard to believe that you are lovable when the person you loved more than anything didn’t love you. It’s hard to believe that you are lovable when you are certain that you’re the reason he walked away. But just because he doesn’t know how to love it doesn’t mean you are unlovable.
Keep that in mind every time you think about hating your body. Every time you look in the mirror and see flaws. You are perfect in your own way and someone will love you for all of it, not despise it. And that someone will make you wonder why you were ever worried in the first place.
8. You start blaming yourself
For everything that happened and for everything that has yet to come, you are blaming yourself. You should’ve known better, you should’ve left sooner, you should’ve done it differently. But it’s not your fault and it never was. It’s not your fault because you loved a wrong man. In that case, every single woman out there is to be blamed.
Blaming yourself for the hell he put though is only keeping you there, even when he is long gone. Kick him out of your life, out of your heart and out of your head. It’ll take time, it’ll take some bloody effort, but once you get there, you will see that it was all worth it.