Instead of trying to get even with them or trying to turn their lives into a living hell like they did to you, try something different.
Because when dealing with a narcissist, none of these things ever work. They always somehow turn any strategy to their advantage. They always somehow turn the story around and manipulate you into accepting their side.
Narcissists have a false sense of self-worth and a lack of empathy. They can’t understand how you feel, and also they don’t care. They think they are the most important people, and nothing will ever change that.
There is only one thing they want from you. It’s your energy, your capability to make them happy. It’s called a ‘narcissistic supply’ and for as long they are getting it from you, they will stick around.
If you cut the supply, they will move on to the next victim and act as if they have never met you which is something that would make you very happy.
After so much bullying, because narcissists are indeed bullies, the only thing you’d want is for them to leave you alone.
Why are you supplying a narcissist?
You’re not doing it on purpose. It is in human nature (at least most humans) to help others when they need it, especially if we’re talking about someone close to you, a loved one.
You’re completely going to ignore your needs and run to save someone you love. Whether it’s your child, or any of your family members, that’s the thing your instinct will make you do.
Now, the man you’ve sadly fallen in love with happens to be a narcissist. Of course, you could never see that coming. He was charming, a real piece of work. And that, of course, also changed over time.
All that charm and kind of suspiciously good behavior disappeared overnight, and he showed his true colors. B then, though, it was too late. You’d already loved him, and you couldn’t just walk away.
This is their game. This is what they do best. They fool you long enough to fall for them, and then they start terrorizing you because they know you won’t leave that easily.
Because you loved him, you thought you could help him. This was your biggest mistake, and that is how you gave him supply.
Every time he did something awful, every time he hurt you, you backed down and showed compassion. You fed him enough energy to keep on living until he runs out. Then he’d do it all over again.
To disarm him and get away from him, you have to be smarter than him. You have to be more prepared, and I mean prepared for anything.
1. What type of narcissist he is
There are a few types of narcissists, and not all of them act in the same way. Believe it or not, there are narcissists who seem to be shy at the first impression, narcissists who are only in a relationship for the money, or the traditional, classic ones who pretend to be something they are not.
You have to define what type of narcissist you’re dealing with in order to learn everything about his behavior, to try to understand why he does certain things and why he acts the way he acts.
You have to learn his game if you want to beat it him at it. You have to be one step ahead of him.
2. Pretend everything is fine
This is not an easy step to do. You’ll have to swallow your pride and put up with a lot of s**t to complete this one. It’s not easy, and not everyone has the nerve and courage to complete it.
What you have to do is to shut up, agree with everything they say, practically make him think that everything is fine and continue playing his game, but don’t let him doubt your commitment to him.
Don’t make him doubt that you’re doing all of this just to get his mind off of the fact that you might leave him. You have to fool him into thinking that everything’s fine, and it has never been better.
3. And at the right moment leave
When you have everything planned out and when you’ve firmly decided that you can leave him and never see him again, then do it.
But first you have to find a place to live, and make sure you have support and that you are surrounded by the people who love you.
4. Set boundaries
Decide what your boundaries are, but there is one more thing you have to do.
Since narcissists have the power to twist everything you’ve said and to convince you that some things which actually happened didn’t—or they happened differently from what you are claiming—the smartest thing would be if you write down your boundaries, so he doesn’t trick you into thinking something else.
This way, you have written on a piece of paper exactly what you’ve said, and no one can convince you otherwise.
When you leave him, he will nag you to come back. That’s when you have to set those boundaries, and believe me, he’ll try breaking each and every one of them. The stronger you are when it comes to your boundaries, the faster he’ll leave you.
5. Cut out all the ‘sorries’
These words shouldn’t exist in your vocabulary anymore, at least as long as he is in the picture. You have nothing to feel sorry about when it comes to him. You’re not the one who took advantage of him. You’re not the one who hurt him. He did all of these things to you.
Things he did to you are not rational, and a sane mind has a hard time understanding it. It’s not your fault he is this way. So, yes, saying sorry is out of the question.
If you apologize to him to make him stop bothering you or to try to reason with him so an apology is just a means of trying to calm the situation, don’t. It will only make things worse because he won’t stop at that.
He’ll dig out something that he remembers which happened months ago, only to make you feel like s**t. There is no way to win in this situation except not giving him the satisfaction of an apology.
6. Accept that it’s over
No more false hopes, no ideas that he’ll change. There is no way back once you leave him. You might be scared at first, and most women are.
It’s nothing to be shamed or angry about because it’s normal that you crave someone you’ve been with, someone you’ve loved—especially if you thought he’d change and that it was just a phase.
Finish that chapter of your life, and allow yourself to look at the future.
7. Learn how to move on
Forgive yourself, and work on yourself. You have to understand that you have to mend yourself first, and then go back to real life. While you’re still freshly out of your relationship, it’s impossible for you to adapt to the life you once had, the life before him.
You’ve changed because he changed you, and you need some time to get yourself back. You need time to learn how to move on.