I was never someone who knew how to hate. I simply didn’t have that emotion in myself and I never felt hatred toward anyone.
Until you came along. Of course, I loved you for a very long time but you turned that love into hatred.
You caused me to hate you by the way you treated me, by the way you emotionally manipulated and abused me. You caused me to hate you by the way you tried to make everything my fault, by the way you tried to destroy my self-esteem and by the way you did everything in your power to destroy me.
You caused me to hate you even more when you walked away from me, without ever worrying about how I was and what was left of me. You caused me to hate you because you broke my heart and because you broke me into pieces.
And I have to be honest—I thought about the best ways to avenge my pain and to get you back for everything you did to me. I thought that the only way for me to feel better was to cause you the same amount of pain you caused me.
I thought I needed to find a way to defeat you and to do you some type of harm.
But then I realized that you never thought about my emotions. You were always guilt-free even though you knew you were ruining me.
And no matter what I do to you, no matter how much pain I try to cause you, the fact is that I will never get you back for everything you did to me. I realized that none of it would make me feel better about myself and that there is no point in seeking revenge.
I realized that my best revenge would be to move on with my life. That my best revenge would be to regain my confidence and to start loving myself again.
I realized that my best revenge would be never to look back and not to give you any more space in my head or in my heart.
I realized that one of my biggest victories is the realization that I will be able to continue my life without you in it. The realization that you didn’t destroy me, as much as you tried.
One of my biggest defeats over you is the realization that you didn’t kill my ability to love. The realization that I will love and be loved.
Because I know that there will come a man who will give me everything you haven’t. A man who will be right for me.
This man will love me in all the ways you haven’t and in all the ways I deserve to be loved, respected and appreciated.
And I will love him.
I will love him even more than I loved you because he will deserve to have my love.
And no—I won’t look for you in him. I won’t be afraid that he’ll hurt me the same way you did and I won’t be scared to commit to this man.
Because I know that not everyone is like you. I don’t expect every other man to cause me the same pain you did. I won’t expect this guy to take advantage of me or to use my love for him.
I won’t be bitter, pessimistic or negative. I won’t live in fear that he’ll abandon me the way you did.
And I am positive that I will be happy in all the ways I wasn’t happy with you.
Another of my biggest victories is that I believe in a better tomorrow. Because I know you happened to me for a reason and because I know great things still await me.
After all, you didn’t manage to do what you planned to do all along. After all, you didn’t manage to change the essence of who I am.
Yes, you’ve rocked my world but I am still the same girl I was before I met you. I am still a girl who believes in love and someone who believes in the good in people and that is something you could never take away from me.
And that is my biggest victory and your worst defeat.