There are times when even the most intelligent women let their hearts overcome their minds. We are only humans and our emotions are what drive us. If you don’t love your job and are not passionate about it, you will never do it right, no matter what kind of skills you have. Your emotions are your fuel. You live because you love life, and you love because you love that feeling of love. The biggest passions we have are actually our feelings. We passionately want to feel loved and to feel alive. I felt like that once.
When my company teamed up with another on a big project, I was forced to work in a new environment. To be honest, I was a bit anxious about it because I like routines and stability. I don’t even like moving my furniture around. But once we started working on that project, I didn’t feel that anxious, after all. It was strange for me. After that, I thought my anxieties had disappeared forever. I was thinking a lot about it. Had I just found the cure for anxiety?
One morning, when I came to work, it all hit me like a comet. I was anxious that day for no good reason until I realized that one of my coworkers hadn’t showed up to work that day. All day long I was thinking: Why do I feel like this now? Does it have to do something with him not showing up? Long story short: it did. I hadn’t even noticed that I had fallen in love with him. I could only be calm when he was in the same room as me. The way he talked to me, looked at me, brought me the kind of peace I’d never felt before—pp until I remembered that I was not the only woman he talked to. He was married. I wanted to bury my feelings right away and never think of them again. I said to myself that he’s only here to do his job and that after the project, I will never see him again.
The moment I decided I would act as cold as ice, he started showing interest in me. I cannot even describe how uncomfortable I felt. I knew he was married. He knew he was married. And yet we ended up together. We were dating for a while and all that time, I was feeling like I was on cloud nine. He was preparing to tell his wife the truth but couldn’t seem to find the right moment. I was worried about it because I was spending my days admiring him. He was everything I was looking for. He was smart and handsome. He had only one hobby and that was painting. Oh, how he was passionate about painting! I felt like I’d never been more myself except when I was around him. I was consciously choosing to date a married man simply because I loved him. I let my heart lead the way and I don’t regret it.
Yes, everything fell apart when his wife found out about us. He said we should take a break in our relationship until he figures things out with his wife. I said goodbye to him. I knew I would never see him again. I was so sure he was going to stay with his wife and forget about me.
I hadn’t heard from him for a while and I was glad about it. During that period, I was working on forgetting him. He had made me feel special and loved. He had made me believe I will be his one and only. But it turned out that he was a cheater, liar and manipulator and I was his puppet for too long. I cried my eyes out, but I learned a valuable lesson about myself: I have the feeling of love inside my soul and there is someone for me in this world. I believe I deserve to find that kind of love again, only a true one this time. His wife deserves someone better than him, too. But, I don’t know what happened to their marriage. After he proposed a break, I didn’t see him in like a month. I was glad he was gone from my life. And then, he started calling me again. I never returned his calls. I didn’t know what more he wanted from me and I didn’t care.
All of this had to happen. I was at the point of my life when I thought I was unlovable and meant to be forever alone. He made me change my mind. He was irresistible and great at making me happy. I don’t regret being with him, but I regret not putting myself in his wife’s shoes. I don’t know what she’s been through and I can’t even imagine. Now, I live in fear that imagining it won’t be necessary because what goes around comes around. I politely ask karma to give me a mild sentence and I promise myself that I will never again let my heart step into a zone my brain hasn’t been in yet.