What makes someone a great boyfriend? It’s a case of real life versus pop culture because looking to movies and TV shows, it seems to be a guy who dresses fancy, pays for dinner, loves the grand gesture, and commits right away.

In real life, though, not every girl wants over-the-top romance or date nights, and some girls want to go slow when dating someone new.

No matter what their type, most girls can all agree that they think a great boyfriend is sweet, funny, and always there for them. They search high and low, near and far, and online and offline in order to find their match, with lots of bad dates (and headaches) along the way.

The cool thing about dating is that once a girl meets the right guy, she can kiss everything else goodbye and pretend that those bad dates didn’t happen. And the other cool thing is that it’s going to be clear that he treats her the way that he should. She won’t have to wish for anything because it’s going to be wonderful. That means that it’s right and real.

Here are 10 signs he’s never going to be the boyfriend she wants him to be (and 10 that he already is).

20He Won’t: He Would Rather Stay Home Than Do Anything Else With Us

Everyone enjoys staying home and getting nice and cozy, but that’s not really the nicest thing to insist on when you’re in a serious relationship.

When we realize that our boyfriend would honestly rather stay home than go anywhere with us, it makes us think that he doesn’t want to hang out together and that he doesn’t care about quality couple time the way that we do.

While there’s nothing wrong with spending some nights on the couch together (and that’s lovely), it’s strange if that’s all that our boyfriend is willing to do with us. We’ll have to wonder if he wants to stay in the relationship.

19He Is: He Loves Going Everywhere And Anywhere With Us

If our boyfriend loves hanging out with us anywhere, anytime, that’s a much different (and much happier) story. This is what should be happening in any relationship, and this is when we can say that he’s already a great boyfriend.

People often say that even just walking around the neighborhood or going to a store is more fun with the right person. We want to feel that way, and when we do, we can be glad that we’ve found our person. We won’t have to wish that he was a better boyfriend because, thankfully, he’s acting the way that we want him to. He’s already the best.

18He Won’t: He Forgets Big Dates, Birthdays, And Anniversaries

No one should have to remind someone what their boyfriend or girlfriend’s birthday is.

We often hear jokes about guys not remembering big dates or anniversaries, but that’s a movie storyline, not something that we should be okay with happening IRL.

We need our boyfriend to remember these things because it’s really strange if he doesn’t. It would make us feel that he doesn’t care enough about us to put the effort into remembering. He’s never going to be who we want him to be when this is how he treats big days, and it’s definitely time to realize it.

17He Is: He’s As Romantic As We Want (Or Don’t Want)

Romance is a funny thing. One girl is swooning over red roses and thinks that only dinner eaten by candlelight is legit, and the next girl is all, “Give me some take-out and let’s forgot that romance is even a thing.”

Our boyfriend is a great one when he is as romantic as we want him to be… or as we don’t want him to be, as the case might be. He gets that we need more romance and does his best to plan fun outings for us or make things feel a bit more lovely and special. Or, if we want something more chill, he’s good with that and respects that.

16He Won’t: He Says No When We Invite Him To Things

He’s never going to be a great boyfriend if he always says no when we invite him to things. This could be something as simple and casual as asking him to see a movie with us because we’ve been waiting for it for months, or as formal as asking him to accompany us to a family member’s wedding.

He should know that these things matter a lot to us and that he should be saying yes unless he has an amazing and legitimate reason for saying no.

When he’s always turning us down, we have to wonder what’s going on and if he’s just not interested in spending time with us.

15He Is: He Loves Seeing Our Family And Friends

We all introduce our boyfriend to our friends and family after we’ve gotten serious about each other, wanting it to be a positive thing for everyone. Unfortunately, there are scenarios when people just can’t get along, but that’s not exactly what anyone would hope for.

We can smile big when our boyfriend loves seeing our family and friends and honestly likes getting the chance to see them and spend time with them. It makes things a lot simpler since we know that he’ll get along with them when we host a party or celebrate something, and it’s a good indicator that the relationship is going to work out.

14He Won’t: He Won’t Bring Anything Up About Our Relationship Until We Do

Not everyone is super comfortable talking about the feelings. That being said, we would all agree that when you get into a serious relationship, you have to learn to be okay with emotions.

You’ll have to have serious talks and get real and honest.

We should never settle for a boyfriend who waits until we bring up something and won’t ever be the first person to bring up a serious subject. He never wants to talk about our future or how committed we should be to one another. We might not notice this at first, but once we realize that this is how he acts, we’re not going to be happy.Featured Today

13He Is: He Asks Us To Be His Girlfriend And Says We Should Move In Together

Moving in together might be anxiety-inducing for some people because they’re neat freaks (or they’re messy) and they’ve lived alone for their whole adult life so far. For others, it’s a dream come true and they can’t wait to share a place with their one true love.

We can be confident that we’re with an amazing guy when he asks us to be his girlfriend and also asks us to move in with him. He’s got the handbook for relationship milestones and he’s checking everything off and he knows that this is important. He wants to be with us all the time and wake up with us in the morning and fall asleep next to us, and it doesn’t get any better than that (well, getting engaged would be even better, but we can wait a bit for that…).

12He Won’t: He Complains About Us To Other People

If we’ve ever heard a friend or sibling complain about their partner, we’ve probably wanted to ask why they’re even a couple. It can be confusing to imagine staying with someone when you don’t really have nice or positive things to say about them.

Our boyfriend isn’t ever going to be the right partner for us when he complains about us to other people.

We might not find out that he’s doing this right away, but there will probably be other signs that he’s not the greatest. He might make negative comments about our date night plans or be unsupportive of us. It’s definitely not working out.

11He Is: He Genuinely Respects Us And Our Life Choices

Everyone deserves a boyfriend who respects them. It’s honestly one of the main things to look for in a partner. If he doesn’t respect us, he probably isn’t going to talk to us very nicely, and that’s uncool.

When he respects us, he’s not only a great boyfriend but chances are, he also respects the choices that we make in life. Did we decide to get healthier and learn to cook? Did we embrace a new way of working out? Did we quit our job to start our own company? He thinks that it’s all awesome because he thinks that we’re awesome (and we think the same about him, of course).

10He Won’t: He Argues About Petty Things

On the other hand, if our boyfriend is often starting arguments and they are all about petty things, he’s not a great boyfriend, and he’s probably never going to be.

He doesn’t like the way that we do laundry or make the bed or cook eggs or any number of things, and honestly, that’s just plain weird.

If he loves us, then he shouldn’t say negative things to and about us, and he shouldn’t ever want to fight. While every couple will have some disagreements and it’s impossible to always think that the other person is right, the arguments shouldn’t be frequent and petty.

9He Is: He’s Generally Easygoing And Agreeable

Easygoing and agreeable are two of the best qualities in anyone, from a friend to a sibling, and also in a boyfriend. That means that whatever we’re chatting about—picking a place to go for dinner, talking about a problem that we’re having with a family member, or dreaming aloud—they’re going to respond in a positive way. And we won’t have to go back and forth for hours without making a decision.

He’s already a great boyfriend when this happens whenever we’re talking about something. Sure, of course he can have his own opinions and feelings (and he should). But he shouldn’t make it hard to have a discussion or make a collective decision.

8He Won’t: He Stays Home When We Want Him To Join Us Somewhere

Being part of a couple means plus-ones. It’s normal to want our boyfriend to join us when we got invited to a party. It’s also pretty sweet since it means that even if the party is dull and we don’t have anyone to talk to, we can hang out with the person that we love (or we can go home early and order pizza, which is even better).

If our boyfriend never wants to join us and always wants to stay home, that’s a sign that he’s never going to be the boyfriend that we want him to be.

He should realize that it’s important to us that we go to things together, and he should also want to come and have a good time with us.

7He Is: He Is More Than Happy To Be A Plus-One Anytime

On that note, if our boyfriend always says yes to being our plus-one, that’s a sign that he’s a really amazing partner. He gets that this is important to us and he wouldn’t want to upset us or make us go to something alone. He knows that sometimes, that’s just plain awkward, and he doesn’t want us to feel that way.

It’s key in a relationship to try your best to make the other person happy. That means sometimes, you take a deep breath and go with them to that party or event that you don’t have any interest in (and when you would rather stay in and watch Netflix).

6He Won’t: He Says No To Kids And Marriage

A guy who says that he doesn’t want to get married and have kids might be an okay boyfriend for someone who doesn’t want those things, either.

But when we do and that’s our dream future, it’s going to be an issue when we’re not thinking the same way.

We can think that he’ll change his ways and want kids and marriage if we just give it some more time, but we’ve probably seen enough movies to know that might not happen. It’s just not a realistic way to think. He’s probably not our ideal boyfriend if this is where we find ourselves.

5He Is: He’s On Board And We Talk About The Future

Some people are scared of the future and think that it’s too much to consider. Others know that the key to a happy relationship is to be on the same page.

Our boyfriend is great if he’s on board with what we want (aka kids and marriage in this case) and if we can sit down and talk about the future together. When we want to talk about a serious subject like when to start a family, he is totally there and present. He says that it’s good that we brought it up and he wants to make a game plan together. He doesn’t complain or get upset at all.

4He Won’t: He’s Always Going Out Without Us

We would probably wonder why someone who is always going out without their girlfriend would want to stay in the relationship. If this is happening in our own relationship, then that’s definitely a question that would pop up from time to time.

We need more than this, and we need to be with a guy who, sure, has his own social life, but considers us a big part of his life.

He always wants to see us and will move all kinds of things around in his schedule in order to make quality couple time a real priority. When he always goes out without us, that’s a bad sign.

3He Is: We Have A Shared Life/Schedule

For many people, a dream relationship would be spending lots and lots of time together. It can be the nicest thing about having that special someone around and can make anything difficult that is going on feel so much easier. No matter what kind of week you’re having, you know that you’re spending quality time with your significant other, and it’s really great.

We can be sure that we’ve got a great boyfriend when we are really sharing our lives. We have the same schedule and if we want to come home after work and cook together or just be together, we’re able to do that. We’re a big part of each other’s lives and it’s exactly what we both want to be happening.

2He Won’t: He Laughs When We Say We Need To Do More Things Together

When we tell our boyfriend that we want to do more things a couple, he laughs and doesn’t take us seriously at all. He acts like that’s a ridiculous thing to say and he’s not even sure why we’ve brought it up. He also laughs when we say that we want to talk about our feelings more. We would agree that this wouldn’t make him a great boyfriend. It would be the total opposite.

Everyone deserves to be with someone who wants to hang out with them a lot.

That’s a beautiful thing, and it’s how couples bond and become more serious about each other. Without that, and without being able to share our feelings, it’s a tough road.

1He Is: He Shares Everything With Us Every Day

While we might laugh when our boyfriend tells us about the joke he came up with in this morning’s meeting or what he ate for an afternoon snack, we also love it because it means that he shares a lot of things with us.

A great boyfriend is one who shares everything with us every day. He wants us to be a huge part of his life and he wants us to talk about everything and anything. When we can confidently say this about the guy that we love, we’ve won the romance lottery, and our relationship future looks good.

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