Relationships are often at the center of life in general, whether serious, short, long, happy or unhappy. When experienced remotely, they can become even more complicated and intense,and for good reason: they lead, for the most part, to important life choices. Very often, they are made of compromise (where to live, how to be together, one of the lovers will you have to leave his post or his country for the other), or perhaps a fear of the failure increased tenfold because of all these elements. These choices, although they may be good, are often not taken lightly.
Writing about relationships at a distance may seem cliche or too personal, but it is so common for those who adopt an international lifestyle that I thought it was important to talk about it on this blog. I also listed in another article, always hoping to provide support to those in this situation, 5 things to avoid in distance relationships, which are not absolute truths, but who would have helped me in the past (I lived a long-distance relationship, of which I speak in my travel stories, especially in the text entitled ” Parallel Dimension”). Even if each story is unique, it exists, I have the impression, some “constant”. Apart from a few people with exceptional detachment, being in a remote relationship often gives the impression of being a marathon runner, sometimes exhausted and whose victory rests largely on his mental strength, his ability to hold – literally and without a bad word – distance, both physical and temporal. Just as the rider counts the meters to the finish line, the long-time lover counts the days, weeks or months that separate him from his partner, and must most often self-motivate in order not to give up. . I hope this will make you feel less alone in the painful moments that sometimes constitute a distant relationship, or that it will help you to anticipate the situation if you are about to start one. Welcome to the club !
Remote relations is often …
Emotions like a roller coaster
The impression of being slightly schizophrenic could sometimes challenge you. Nothing very serious, it’s part of the experience: to have the impression of being in a jar, to ruminate your own thoughts, to change your mind as a shirt about the merits of this relationship, then the minute that follows you feel euphoric, filled with love and hope for the one you miss. A little as if your nerves were going through all the colors of the rainbow.
Very beautiful moments
Relationships at a distance are also the highlights of the reunion, and each time you are together. Every day seems magical, especially after several weeks, even months. You leave the memories full of the head, unforgettable moments that will stay with you for a long time. Take advantage of this remote period to live a maximum of incredible experiences together! As someone wrote in a commentary on this article, remote relations are also very often the opportunity to discover another culture and a new language, that of the other, for all those who are in a relationship with someone else. nobody from another country.
Jealousy of others
It may well happen to you to hate, even a little bit, those happy couples around you, who are lucky enough to live in the same city or worse, in the same apartment, without realizing how lucky they are. (or at least that’s what you think) A bit like when you’re single and Valentine’s Day is coming (if Valentine’s Day is your thing, of course). Relax, it’s a natural reaction, it will pass.
Being offended by others
It’s almost inevitable: some give you tips that you do not want to hear, telling you for example not to start a relationship at a distance, point bar. Others will lack tact in the face of your periods of intense decrepitude due to the departure of your half, after too short reunion, knowing that you will not see you again for 8 weeks. At this moment, you want to hear: “We’ll throw ourselves on the chocolate watching a turnip on TV to cheer”, not “you survive” (even if it’s true). Tell them gently if these people matter to you, let them go if they are not, and try to have discussions with relatives who have been there, you will feel better understood.
Moments of discouragement
There are times when, suddenly, after a misguided word on the part of the other, or a blow of blues stronger than the others, you will be convinced that everything must be stopped. I could not say if it’s always the right thing to do, maybe yes if you’re in real pain and there is no reunion in the same country in sight, even in the long run . But sometimes, it will be only a passing: the feeling will be gone after a good night’s sleep or a discussion with your half. I had several moments like this one, and a year after being together, I am very happy to have passed over … But yes, each relationship is different.
Moments of doubt
Doubt can interfere quickly and quickly become a poison, since most of the time, important decisions (moves, quit one’s job) constitute the distant relations. Did you do well to tell your partner that you will come and join him? Will you find a job on the spot? Will you feel alone in a city you do not know?
A little cliché, but true: especially in the moments of doubts mentioned higher, try, as far as possible, to speak with the other. Communication problems can lead to a disaster in all couples, but even more so in long-term relationships: imagine making plans for the future, planning a move (on your part or yours) based on the fact that your partner wants children, get married, engage in a serious relationship, would be willing to move elsewhere in a few years, and that is wrong, for lack of discussion. If it is your partner who refuses to start the communication or avoids the subject as soon as you try, even after you have told him that it was important for you … Red Alert!
Hours on Skype
Skype is your best friend, an integral part of your life, and like any such exclusive relationship: you hate it, but at the same time can not do without it. Frozen images, robot voices and calls that cut in the middle for no apparent reason are part of your daily life. Enjoy!
A life in airports, and trips
The star of kisses in the boarding rooms, moving farewells on the train platforms and hugs at the bus stop it snows, rain or shine, it’s you. Both of you will certainly travel to visit the country or the city of the other, or find yourself “in the middle” in a neutral country, which can be tiring but will give you the chance to live memories unforgettable, to travel more and redouble originality to organize the most incredible reunion possible.
A strong relationship if you pass this course
One thing is certain: if you manage to move from a remote relationship to a “sedentary” relationship, you will feel like survivors. There is a good chance that your relationship is stronger, and that you often think back to those long months or years away from each other. Even if all the relationships that started at a distance can not statistically always succeed once the couple met geographically, the ones that last, I think, will always have a rather tasty after taste!